TRAGEDY AT AFRICAN SAFARI-LAND: CHENEY GUNS DOWN CADDY
According to sources close to the White House, damage-control experts from across the country are gathered at a “closed-door” meeting at the Arbusto compound at Crawford, Texas. A press conference is scheduled later in the day at the large conference room at the First Rebate Bank of Crawford (TX).
The numerous large jets which brought the “brain trust” to Crawford were forced to utilize the new international airport at African Safari-Land in Texas, which is usually available only to members of this super-posh sports facility. Once there, limousines brought the “spin doctors” to the president’s compound. At least one of the advisers appearing on the scene was Mr. David Gergen. Insiders imply that Mr. James Baker will be there, along with Richard Pearl and Daniel Pipes. The latter two are waggishly referenced as the “P & P Demolition Company.”
Journalist from across the globe gathered at the outskirts of African Safari-Land or took up abode at a motel near Crawford. According to usually reliable sources close to Arbusto spokesperson Chad Clint Calhoun, the “fatal event” occurred on or near the wild game reserve, where Vice President Cheney, Justice Scalia, Prince Charles of Wales, and other notables were hunting giraffes. One of the expert guides at Safari-Land had caught a glimpse of a lion, apparently a young buck without any pride attachment, not too far away. He cautioned all the hunters to be wary.
As bad luck would have it, a golfer from Turkey, playing at the adjacent world-class golf course, “duck-hooked” a drive right into the bushy area at which the Cheney group was hunting. The ball actually hit the temple area of Justice Scalia, who spun at the impact, yelping with pain. The Vice President wielded, leveling his magnum 30-06 at firing position.
Simultaneously, the caddy for the nabob from Turkey raced to the fenced area of the game reserve, making a kind of shrieking sound as he charged through the bush that separated the golf course from the game reserve. Why he made such a sound and such a racket, no one will ever know. For the instant he broke through the thick scrubbush Mr. Cheney squeezed off a deadly round. He blew away the right side of the caddy’s face, and the luckless youngster fell mortally wounded. Prince Charles and the others raced to the border area, but they had to await the reserve guide, who disabled the wild game reserve’s “invisible fence” in that area.
As they approached the fence at the border, they could see the caddy “twitching & moaning” on the ground. Unable to endure this suffering, Mr. Cheney squeezed off another round to “put him out of his misery.”
Who was the lad? On his bloody, golf-caddy overalls there was sewn the name, “Jimmy.”
The dignitaries decided that it would be best to discontinue their hunt that day. It had been a good day for them up to this tragic incident, killing some five giraffes, a rhinosceros, and three zebras.
Meanwhile, aides of Dick Cheney, as well as the other dignitaries, were setting in motion the massive influx of “damage control” experts. What the “spin” might finally be was anyone’s guess. The one word heard most often was “a terrorist.”
All rights reserved. Nomoonnight, 2007.
