FNP__REPORTS OF CATTLE RUSTLING AROUND CRAWFORD, TX
Faux News Press (FNP)__SAN ANTONIO, TX. Reports of cattle rustling near Crawford, TX, has brought journalist from many parts of the world community to San Antonio, TX, where SUVs are rented and driven to Crawford. There, the newspeople spread to various ranches, which have been victimized. The local sheriff, Donnie Earl Johnson, has provided little information, as the investigation is still in the “fact gathering stage.”
Rancher Debbie Beasley has lost twenty-two head of prize angus. She believes that the rustling is an “inside job.” When asked to elaborate, she motioned with her head, indicating something behind her. Clearly, there is someone around Crawford that is so “big” that Debbie Beasley declined to “say any more.”
When FNP had the opportunity to talk to Sheriff Johnson, off the record, he did describe the general nature of rustling. Besides immediate slaughtering and dismembering of the steer involved, which could then be trucked away in large coolers, one of the first things that a team of rustlers might want to do is “overbrand.” According to the sheriff, the rustlers might possess newer-style branding equipment. Such equipment heats rapidly, and the brand design may be much larger than the old style brands that many local ranchers still use. All the cowboys around Crawford are familiar with them. However, the sheriff stated that the really large spreads, such as the Bush ranch, have the newer equipment. All that a man with the newer equipment needs to do it place the hot iron over the old brand. Sheriff Johnson thought a moment, then he said: “Take a simple, one-letter brand, like a ‘B‘ or ‘M,’ and apply. These new branding pieces have a full-metal frame for the letter to sit on. When it hits the steer right on the old brand, it just obliterates it.”
Out of curiosity FNP asked if he’d been out investigating the brands on local steer.
The sheriff became noticeably cautious. “We have some very important people living around Crawford. We have great respect for Texans who make good. We don’t go out to rile somebody without hard evidence.”
While at Crawford, FNP had a chance to speak to Chad Clint Calhoun, the local spokesperson in behalf of the President, George W. Bush. He said that the president was very upset to hear that cattle had been rustled from neighboring ranches. He has asked Michael Chertoff, Head of Homeland Security, to work closely with Sheriff Johnson to protect our “homeland cattle.”
Although Mr. Calhoun made clear that he was not going to say anything about an ongoing investigation by Sheriff Johnson, he speculated that gangs working in southern Texas and northern Mexico may be “emigrating” the cattle south of the border. Also, he said that he had heard–and it was strictly hearsay–that partially eaten steer had been discovered from south of Crawford to within miles of the Mexican border. When FNP inquired whether Mexican authorities had discovered any steer carcasses on their side of the border, Mr. Calhoun responded: “No comment.”
Before departing, FNP asked Mr. Calhoun how the Bush ranch was doing. He responded with a big smile: “We’re doing great! We’re growing every day.”
All rights reserved. Nomoonnight, 2008.
