Many people have wondered why the British fought so long and hard for control of North Africa during World War II. One may well add that the same force was at work in America, once it was drawn into the European Conflict. Why would the British commit their military forces to fight to control a vast stretch of land that may be described as largely either desert or jejune terrain? Would it not have been better to allow the Germans to dilute their forces and waste their energies in this “God-forsaken” land? Indeed, maybe the whole of Nazi Germany might have migrated to North Africa, as a horde of Neo-Vandals. Stranger things have happened. All one needs for this to occur is a strange, visionary leader. Recall for a moment the ill-fated Jim Jones Nation’s migration to the jungles of north South America.

What then would lead the British to expend the blood of their young men in a struggle over desert dunes? Is it an inborn Quixotic trait (also affecting many American leaders) that leads the British lords into an apparently absurd strategy?

The answer is “Sic Et Non.” The avaricious British lords will expend any amount of yeoman blood for personal enrichment. They will pretend to be shocked by such a statement, but historical trends suggest it. Yet, truly, it is nutty ideas that really seize the moment” with the British lords.” In the case of the British it is the religious convictions that developed around the turn of the twentieth century in many of their leaders, such as Lord George, that Jews were party to the Abrahamic Covenant, that the Judean lands must be restored to the Jews prior to the restoration of the Kingdom of God, that Jews will then be converted to Christianity, and then the path will have been made smooth for the return of the King, Jesus Christ. The “conversion of convenience” of Disraeli must have seemed to be a hopeful sign to them.

Parenthetically, America today has the same sort of leadership, buttressed by religious leaders such as the late Rev. Jerry Falwell and Pastor John Hagee, whose benighted hordes all follow the same general line as Lord George and his crowd.

Further, by the turn of the twentieth century there was a very powerful class of Jews influencing policies. Subsequently, Captain A.M.M. Ramsay [tossed into jail for his troubles] and Nesta Webster [British historian, cited by W. Churchill, whose books are banned in Canada] remarked that “we have lost control of our country.” These Jews were generally supportive of the Zionist movement. They and their American brothers had advised the british lords that they would get America into World War I, if the British would secure for them a protected right to return to the “Holy Lands.”

An agreement was struck, leading to the Balfour Convention of 1917. Lord George thought it well to send a letter to the very powerful head of the British branch of the Rothschild family, assuring him on the issue. This action accorded with the Zionist plan for Palestine. The Balfour Convention was one of the first major steps to the protected return of the Jews to the area then known as the British Mandate, or Protectorate, of Palestine, which was under British control. Sir Mark Sykes stated, “we shall be there by conquest and shall remain.” The Balfour Declaration envisioned an establishment of a Jewish homeland. After World War II, this was accomplished in 1948.

By dent of terror by Jews against the British, as well as against the Palestinians, the British were convinced of the wisdom of leaving things in the “good hands” of the Jews of the new state of Israel (sic). Jews then began the process of  “ethnic-cleansing” and expropriation of land and other property belonging to the Palestinians or possessed by them for many scores of years.

Naturally, powerful Jewish influence in Great Britain played a role in the British Exodus from its responsibility.

Compare Britain’s tenacious fight with the Nazi German forces in North Africa with its wimpy retreat from ragtag bands of Jewish terrorists. Certainly, the wounds of World War II had not entirely healed for the British leaders. America must have been a lobbying force, arguing for the British to pull out and leave the Jews to establish order in their new country. Of course, as the world has come to see that has not come to pass. Part of the reason for this is that the state of Israel (sic) keeps expanding.

The logic that brought France and England into a state of war with Germany, due to German expansion into Poland, does not seem valid when applied by Arabs nations in connection to Jewish expansion. Arab resistance is not perceived as a form of flattery to the British leadership.

With all this in mind consider the “nightmare” situation of a Nazi Germany in control of the “Holy Lands.” Given their view of Jewry dwelling within German jurisdiction, the longed for, and/or plotted, return by Jews to Palestine would seem further away than ever before. The Return was a necessary step in the Jewish climb to their destined role of collective Messiah of the World, which reign would embrace the Restoration of the World.

Hence, the fierce struggle by the British (and later Americans) to prevent the creation of a Hitlerian German Mandate.

In considering all this one is struck by the sheer zaniness of the thinking of the leadership of both Great Britain and the U.S.A. It is chastening to recall that they think of themselves as the “best and brightest” amongst their respective people.

All rights reserved. Nomoonnight, 2009. 

Resistance, of course, develops where “conquered people” don’t choose to accept their conqueror’s “new status quo.”

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:  FNP has learned startling information about a “special guest” of the White House. According to highly-placed sources at the White House, there is a “love child” staying at the White House. There had rumors about the curiously high levels of Pampers that were being purchased by White House staffers. Indeed, Secret Service agents had been seen at 24/7 drugstores in the area bying Pampers and other baby-oriented products.

Happy new "father?"

All seasoned newshounds working the White House arena were aware that Barack and Michelle had children, yet they also knew that they were beyond the “todler” stage. There would not seem to be a reason to purchase Pampers, unless there was an incontinence issue. Some reporters have quietly investigated this possibility without success. For now, these strange purchases must relate to a baby/todler, according to the concensus viewpoint of long-time White House observers.

FNP can state authoritatively, after a lengthy investigation by us, that Veep Joe Biden was not the source of a White House “love child.” As a matter of fact, Joe Biden is considered an “unsuccessful experiment” and will certainly be replaced as a running mate during Barack Obama’s attempt to win a second term as President of the United States of America. Newshounds have been quietly talking about this matter for months. It is known by many of them that Michelle believes that Joe Biden is “too Chuck” for their team.

Children make Michelle happy.

Michelle Obama had been embarrassed “to the bone” by Vice President Joseph Biden’s congratulations card on the occasion of the Obama’s moving into the White House. He had spelled her name “O’Bama.” Worse, the gaffe was picked up by the press and became rather well known.

 This incident was soon followed by embarrassment in London. The Obamas were visiting on matters of high purpose, and were invited to meet the Elizabeth II, Queen of England ["QE2"]. They met at Buckingham Palace. The Obamas were embarrassed when QE2 asked if Joseph Biden was a “peer.” They were forced to divulge his humble origins. Michelle later told a confidant that she felt like “hiding under a rock.”

Veep cleared of fathering White House "love child."

Having eliminated the Veep as the source of any “love child,” key reporters began to recall the transition period, when “W.” and Laura were helping the Obamas prepare for the big move. There was much gossip about key “W.” adviser, Secretary Condoleezza Rice’s expanding midriff. There were jokes about the “price” paid by high American officials, as they attended one State Dinner after another. The rich delicacies had shown prominently on many high officials, such as Henry Kissinger – who was never dainty to begin with. The general view among seasoned observers was that Condi was taking away with her as many “goodies” as she could gulp down.

Very few of even the most savvy journalists were aware of several clandestine meetings held by Secretary Rice and Osama bin Laden, leader of the al Qaeda movement, as Ms. Rice attempted to set up a meeting between “W.” and Osama. Only FNP’s special relationship with White House spokesman, Chad Clint Calhoun, had enabled us to pierce the veil that the White House and State Department had drawn about the project to conceal it until the “right” moment.

According to privileged information which FNP is now free to divulge, President George W. Bush had been inspired by the many Biblical accounts of key “men of God” in the Old Testament taking up temporary residence in caves during difficult times. Employment of caves in the Bible seemed to “W.” to be an “anoited way.” According to sources whose position made them privy to such high discussions, “W.” brought up the issue to Secretary Rice at a meeting of his most trusted advisers. As related to FNP, “W.” wanted to solve the seemingly intractable Middlle Eastern problems before he left office. He told Ms. Rice: “Condi, I want this as my legacy.”

Loyal, Dutiful Condi - but was she too loving?

Naturally, she readily agreed to do “all that I can” to make his dream come true. She had not told the president of certain clandestine “feelers” that her State Department had sent to men who were known to be close to Osama bin Laden. Independently, the brilliant Condi had perceived that a “neutral cave” would be the ideal place to meet Osama. If she could discover a mutally agreed upon cave, she could bring her boss and the legendary sheikh together – man-to-man – to solve the Levantine issues once and for all.

As FNP has previously reported, this exploration had occurred. Further, as we broke this story, we divulged information from a well-positioned figure in the Osama camp that Osama had a “passionate crush” on Condi, gazing at photographs of her day and night.

When Condi and Osama finally met in a cave near Turkey, she found the towering sheikh very attracttive indeed. She was vulnerable, and he was passionate (“afire” – being the translation of the Arabic expression he used as they lounged together at a private dinner.) Perhaps unknown even to Condi, her nature was “hot” and her heart receptive. According to usually reliable sources at the State Department, “it happened that night.”

When the George & Laura act was near conclusion, according to key sources, Secretary of State Conoleezza Rice gave birth to a child in the private quarter of the White House. The child was said to be strikingly handsome and indicated a bright intelligence. “W. ” had stated to Condi in private, as she held her new baby, that she should leave the child at the White House as a foundling. Condi had had a “special relationship” with Barack Obama at one time. The baby would win favor with the Obamas, and they would keep it, protect it from paparazzi, and quietly guide the child to some destined greatness. The love that had transpired between her and Osama must remain concealed. This would be difficult, if she suddenly was seen with a new baby.

According to usually reliable sources who shared shards of this important “mosaic” with FNP, Ms. Rice agreed. She had planned to name the boy “W’Okondi” after the three people who “made it happen.” A callous man such as Billy Jeff Clinton might have forced her to have an abortion, had he been her President. She was grateful to “W.” She “knew in her heart” that her boy would be a great world figure. She left the White House and quit Washington, D.C. for the West Coast. Yes, there was a sadness in her heart. Yet, there was also love. She would still be able to watch over her boy – from a distance.

Our readers may believe that FNP has gone “over the deep end” in this astonishing tale of “love’s labor lost.” Yet, we have checked the sources and their contributions, whether big or small, and they all checked out. Condoleezza Rice left Washington a thinner but wiser woman, all sources confirm. Now, both press and public must await the appointed moment when Barack and Michelle Obama will introduce their new baby. Until such time many observers quietly note that al Qaeda’s legacy rocks in a cradle in the private quarters of the Obama White House. 

As the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, might have sung: “Condi Rice has left the door; Condi Rice said, ‘Osama’s the one.’”

October 27, 2009

Donald Graham plots his deeds.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:  According to sources close to the “top brass” at The Washington Post, Donnie Graham and Cathy Weymouth are disenchanted with Virginia wannabe-governor, Creigh Deeds. The reporters and staff generally have been given the order: “Back Off The Endorcement!”

FNP wonders, “What happened?”

A key source close to the executive suites of The Washington Post Company and The Washington Post has, strictly on the basis of anonymity, provided FNP with an explanation, which seems to check out. If this information holds up, then FNP can state authoritatively that it was basically a misunderstanding of the Virginia Democrat by Mr. Donald Graham, which was worsened by his flighty appointee (and relative), Ms. Catharine Weymouth, inaccurate assurances on the subject of Mr. Deeds.

In the first case Donald Graham, known to be an ardent fan of Richard Widmark movies, also was much “taken” by the movie, Mr. Deeds Goes To Town and Mr. Smith Goes To Washington. These Frank Capra “greats” blended together in young Donnie’s mind, so that they emerged “Mr. Deeds Goes To Washington.” Many people are not aware that Mr. Smith Goes To Washington was planned to be a sequel to Mr. Deeds Goes To Town, which was to be entitled “Mr. Deeds Goes To Washington.”

Be that as it may, it seemed to Donnie that the film spoke to Donnie in a personal way. According to long-time Graham family observers, some of whom were intimates of the late Katherine Meyer Graham, Donnie saw Mr. Deeds in the film as a revolutionary leader confronting and overcoming racism and capitalism. He had always felt a spiritual bond with this character. As a young man, Donnie Graham loved to wear a tee-shirt which bore the image of Mr. Deeds on the front and Che Quevara on the back. “Boss Lady” Graham used to chuckle about “my little revolutionary.”

With this background information, FNP readers will readily understand the reason why The Washington Post might have a weakness for the Democrat candidate for governor of Virginia. Astonishingly, FNP has discovered a Graham intimate, who is very close to Cathy Weymouth and who was able to provide “the whole story.”

Cathy thought Mr. Deeds had "powerful medicine."

According to this source, Cathy Weymouth had heard the name “Creigh Deeds” spoken about favorably as a “Populist-Marxist” who could change Virginia politics forever. Further, a personal assistant of Ms. Weymouth had advised her that Mr. Deeds was descended from Powhatan –  or some chieftain, anyway. Cathy immediately penned an enthusiastic message to Donald Graham, suggesting that, if Mr. Robert F. McDonnell becomes the Republican candidate, then the Post should support “Cree Deeds.”

According to this source, when Donald Graham read Cathy’s note about “Cree Deeds,” he was immediately enthralled. One source who had visited Mr. Graham that day reported to FNP that he was “strange” and “seemed high.”

That day, according to our source, Donald Graham wrote a reply to Cathy praising her “nose for news” and affirming his total support of her plan to endorse “Cree Deeds.” He ended his note by enthusiastically stating, “Let’s make him the first Native American governor of Virginia – and first Native American president of the United States!” Rarely has the spirit of joy so permeated the office building at 15th  and L Streets, NW, Washington, D.C. “Mr. Deeds will soon come to ‘Town,’” was on the tongue of seasoned newshounds, as well as office interns. The dark days of the Post were over, it seemed, even to “salty dog” reporters not often moved by the spirit of change.

As most Americans who “keep up” with national politics know, Mr. Creigh Deeds did, indeed, become the Democrat candidate for governor of Virginia. Also, as many people who follow such matters know, The Washington Post did announce its support for Mr. Deeds, as the man Virginia needed at the Governor’s Mansion. Dreams of Mr. Deeds in the White House were encouraged at the Post’s offices, according to usually reliable sources.

When FNP received an invitation to send a representative to participate in a “private salon” gathering, given by Catharine Weymouth, in behalf of Mr. Deeds’ candidacy, we were suddenly confronted with an error that required some explanation. The problem for FNP was that the expensively printed invitation named the Virginia Democrat candidate, “Cree Deeds.” We knew that the correct spelling should be “Creigh Deeds.” As one of top newshounds blurted out, “What gives?”

Further, the invitation had been a call for “friend and foe” to “smoke the peace pipe” with Mr. Deeds at her posh abode. According to the invitation, all invited reporters were free to ask Mr. Deeds any question that they liked, and they were assured that “Cree Deeds” does not speak with a “forked tongue.” FNP staff looked at the invitation with “arched eyebrows,” noting her challenge to join his “war party.”

Drat Johnson of FNP wondered outloud if we should respond to Cathy Weymouth with “talking clouds?”

Finally, the top people at FNP decided to require our trusty Edwina Truesdale to invite Catharine Weymouth to lunch at The Boss Lady restaurant in Georgetown. They were well-acquainted, hitting it off rather well. Our plan was to bring proof that Creigh Deeds was “Creigh Deeds” – not “Cree Deeds.” At the proper moment Edwina would confront Cathy. A photographer from FNP would “capture the moment” in living color.

Our plan worked beautifully. Readers of FNP will recall the photograph which was part of an article by Edwina Truesdale entitled, “Educating Cathy.”

The story had caused Catharine Weymouth to excuse herself. She hastened to a private room at The Boss Lady. According to sources at The Washington Post, that very day the Post was told to “back away” from Creigh Deeds – “he has no wigwam!” All seasoned observers realized that, if the Post was drawing back from its endorsement of Creigh Deeds, then Mr. Deeds would probably run out of “wampum” soon.

Using the considerable “clout” of The Washington Post, Donnie and Cathy were able to steer their leaky old boat into smoother waters. There, damage control could be implemented to keep the prestige of the Post alive and well among the only people that matter to it: big investors, advertisers and politicians.

As for Donnie, his idealism will not be injured by his misdeed in judgment in this episode. He still wants to do good deeds. According to close associates, Donnie believes in the revolutionary hero, who will change America once and for all. It isn’t necessary for him to be a “red man.” He only needs to be red. Then all Americans will be able read the “tea leaves” of our future. “It’s what Mommy wanted,” said Donnie to a friend. “It’s what I want, too.”

FNP has learned that Donnie is presently happy, spending much of his time preparing for the upcoming Myra Breckinridge Awards.

Professor B.F. Skinner knew a few behavioral "moves."

There is a widespread, although numerically modest, population of Americans who spend much of their free time trying to unravel the mysteries of missing soldiers, missing children, and other missing people. I’m not talking about dedicated police officers across the country. I’m not talking about a unit in one of our armed forces dedicated to this pursuit. Generally dismissed by the major media and “responsible” elected officials as “far out,” “racist” and/or “paranoid,” they are a resolute and generally bright set of men and women. They continue doing their research undaunted.

The fact is that America’s “ruling circles” aren’t concerned about a scattering of men and women across the globe who are labelled “Missing In Action ( ”MIA”). To them these people are “Killed In Action (“KIA”) — and let’s move on.” Often, the “ruling circles” are courting politically and economically the very same countries where the MIAs occurred and perhaps where they still exist as living inconveniences to all concerned.

The topic of “missing people” is rather broad. In this article I would like to concentrate on missing soldiers. The issue of missing soldiers first came to my attention in a special way by the articles written by the late Mike Blair. He wrote for the Spotlight tabloid, prior to its being put out of business by dubious judicial action, after years of fighting off other “frivilous and without merit” lawsuits, which were nevertheless costly. I say this to suggest that forthright, America-First organizations in America are in as much danger as our MIAs. Nevertheless, the legacy of Mike Blair’s articles lived on.

America-First media is for the most part minuscule. This fact substantially explains why the bulk of Americans pay “lip service” to the internationalist agenda of America’s “ruling circles.”

The evidence adduced by Mike Blair over many articles strongly suggested that American soldiers, sailors, and airmen, who were taken as prisoners in war-like events, such as the Korean Conflict, were occasionally selected for “guinea pig” duty. From the American and Western point-of-view, such abuse of prisoners violated international agreements. Yet, since the North Koreans and their Communist allies seemed to view the conflict as an illegal UN police action, they did not recognize the conflict as being under the jurisdiction of international protocols. To them it was more akin to criminal interference in domestic affairs of state.

This being so, the unfortunate American soldiers, sailors, and airmen who were made prisoners by the North Korean Communists were treated to some very harsh conditions. Of corse, Americans were not the only combatants taken as prisoners. Our focus is Americans. Not only did they experience minimal protection from the cold but also a scant diet. Naturally, this caused a loss of weight and a lessening of the natural protection given to the body by normal layers of muscle tissue and fat. Besides this physical deprivation which was fairly standard, the American prisoners generally found themselves targets of other forms of injury.

Psychological warfare is built upon individual experiments, which create the empirical evidence for a “learned paper.” Some MIAs were forced to endure extreme forms of testing. In some instances these hapless prisoners weren’t actually the focus of the test; the larger population of prisoners were the target. The introduction of a terror-stricken psychology amongst the prisoners tended to break resistance down – even before individual “testing” occurred. The procedure is akin to that of a gangster mob employing “breaklegs” to make an example of one, so as to intimidate and terrorize many.

According to information obtained by the late Mike Blair, probably America’s foremost journalist in the MIA area, some of the American prisoners of war taken in the Korean Conflict were transferred to the malevolent officials of the U.S.S.R., who controlled a large archipelago of prisons and/or concentration camps. It was these Americans who were used, apparently, as guinea pigs. They were targeted with bacterial/viral assaults, so that the Communists could better understand through actual study the affects of these specialized biological tools. Might a given microbiological tool actually function as a lethal weapon? they might wonder. Also, chemical experimentation against American prisoners seemed to be usual. Calibration of lethal doses of poison for individuals and for masses of people must have been areas of research.

Indeed, the “mad-scientist” character in movies, such as Dr. Frankenstein, Dr. Jekyl, Dr. Moreau, etc., seemed to rest upon sound evidence, as provided by these U.S.S.R. “men of learning” in the MIA arena. Too, let’s not forget the American, B.F. Skinner, who even employed his behavioral theories on his daughter, who ended up in a mental institution. In Scotland “mad” scientist are genetically blending disparate families and orders of creatures, the likes of which have not been seen since the “Days of Jared” (described in Holy Scripture). I guess knowledge is “cold.” This is even better reason to be on one’s guard in regard to what these “sages of science” are doing.

There is some reason to suspect that these unfortunate American MIAs experienced other disturbing events. In fact the Soviet officials and scientists may well have anticipated in some ways the American C.I.A.’s experimentations with “mind-altering” drugs under the MK-Ultra project. In the latter case its targets were American citizens, also. They were not prisoners of war or MIAs. They were your neighbors, who never stepped out of the U.S.A.

The MK-Ultra project sought to gain a better understanding by the intelligence apparatus of the American “ruling circles” of the effects of certain drugs on humans. Naturally, this testing procedure sought to understand which “mind-altering” drug worked best under a given circumstance in controlling the behavior patterns of targeted individuals and groups. Control of groups, or masses, of people is very important to the minority groups comprising the American “ruling circles.” For them the MK-Ultra project was of the same magnitude as the Manhattan Project, and it was accorded the same clandestine authorization and procedures.

Therefore, one need not puzzle too much over the motivation of the Red officials of these camps in the U.S.S.R. As a matter of fact it seemed likely that kindred people and kindred minds were operating both in the U.S.A. and in the U.S.S.R. in regard to experimental chemical and biological tools. Nor should anyone mistake the creation of effective weapons of this sort as intended for use against an external threat.

A threat from within has equal importance. Why? Perhaps the impelling force behind this whole area of science and weaponry is a minority which lives in a constant state of apprehension in regard to outsiders. Walls and ramparts are their constant companions. For such, control of others is paramount. It is the stuff of destiny.

All rights reserved. Nomoonnight, 2009

Faux News Press (FNP)__Washington, D.C.:  According to usually reliable sources at the Department of the Treasury, there is good reason to suppose that approximately 20 billion dollars, which were once controlled by Bernard Madoff, are secure in an Israeli bank. The bank in question is relatively unknown outside the Jewish community and international central banks. It is The Bank of the Law. It is controlled by Edgar Bronfman. According to the Treasury source, Bernard Madoff had a big account there.

According to Tel Aviv bank spokesperson, Hershal “Shifty” Shiffkowitz, The Bank of the Law is a private bank operating under the Israeli governments corporate principle of “One for all and all for one.” It was founded by “Canadian” Edgar Bronfman to primarily serve the Jews of the Diaspora. According to Mr. Shiffkowitz, the bank has over seven thousand customers scattered across the globe. Further, Mr. Shiffkowitz noted that the bank’s customers tended to be very wealthy individuals or partnerships. He proudly noted that Goldman Sachs of the United States was a bank customer.

When FNP inquired if Bernard Madoff was a customer of the bank, Mr. Shiffkowitz was silent for a moment. Then he replied that an urgent matter had arisen – he would get back to FNP at the first opportunity. To date he has not contacted FNP.

Nevertheless, FNP was now curious about this bank and Bernard Madoff. We sought the assistance of Israeli media star, Gurli Gur. He agreed to quietly investigate The Bank of the Law.

About ten days after we contacted Mr. Gur, as agreed, he met FNP’s Drat Johnson in Beirut, Lebanon. Over dinner he outlined what he had discovered.

According to Gurli Gur, The Bank of the Law operated under the single but important Jewish principle: The Law of the Return of Principle and Interest. Mr. Gur stated that this Bronfman creation had from the very beginning operated to protect the money of Jews who were involved in “risky businesses.” It has never sought publicity. No one can just “walk in” and open an account. To establish an account an individual had to have an authenticated, signed Letter of Introduction from Edgar Bronfman. This had been true of Meyer Lansky. It was also true of Bernard Madoff. Furthermore, to open an account, the potential customer had to pay Edgar Bronfman a “finder’s fee.” This fee was generally a set percentage of the annual deposit. Hence, there would be an “up front” deposit to protect the Bronfman interest. At the end of each fiscal year, the percentage would be applied to and funds removed from the account, minus the deposit. These “fees” would be placed in a Bronfman account. After the return of the deposit, The Bank of the Law penalized either massive withdrawal of funds or the closing of the account by a percentage equal to the yearly fee.

FNP inquired if interested parties couldn’t find a better deal elsewhere and why wouldn’t they?

According to our man in Beirut, he was told that The Bank of the Law was unique in the Jewish state. He was informed by Gurli Gur that this bank had been protected by legislation in the Knesset, which legislation protected it absolutely from non-Israeli officials. Neither the U.S. Internal Revenue Service nor any other outside political body could have ANY access whatsoever to The Bank of the Law. The law that protects it was sponsored by a small religious party, Beth Vigorish, headed by the High Rabbi of Jerusalem himself. The legislation also protected it from all Israeli governmental intrusions, manipulations and/or oversight. However, the bank does provide government banking officials with an annual “gross report.” According to Gurli Gur, this is one of the most secretive, powerfully connected financial establishments in the world.

Although the world of “high finance” is privileged and forbidding to outsiders, none may be as formidable as The Bank of the Law. If Bernard Madoff “stashed” a large amount of client money there, FNP cannot be encouraging to its clients. The chances of recovering money from it, whether lawful or otherwise, are remote. If Gurli Gur’s information is correct, no lawsuit will be afforded “standing” in the Jewish state. Hence, there appears to be no recourse at law. It is a perfect “safe house.”

Sonny Barger gazes across "no-man's land."

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:  A friend of FNP’s dropped by our offices not so long ago. He had just returned from the Levant. According to this eyewitness, things are heating up again in the “no-man’s land” separating the Israeli state from the Palestinian state. Neither Hell’s Angels nor Guardian Angels enter it except in battle. Our friend said he was too timid to venture between the lines of these two adversaries. We told him not to worry about any courage issue; only fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

From him FNP did learn that “Mr. T” had become physically ill at the sight of all the women & children slaughtered by the Israelis during their recent “land and air” assault on Gaza and the Palestinian Authority. As with contemporary American leadership, citation of “terrorist threats” justified the use of terror against the civilian population of the hapless target. It is generally conceded in the intelligence community that any state in the Levant – other than the Jewish state – may lawfully be accused of terrorism and attacked.

As for the Palestinians, their will to resist is weak. Everything that hasn’t been stolen, bull-dozed, bombed or killed is too traumatized to act effectively. Only ragtag groups of poorly-armed Palestinians keep up the charade of meaningful resistance. Naturally, they are described as terrorists by the Israelis, and the American press typically follows suit. Hence, with each new wave of Jewish attrocities, American leaders denounce Palestinian terrorism.

As FNP was to learn from our friend who recently returned from the Levant, “Mr. T” is an exception to the American rule.  In fact FNP reporters have heard John Hagee supporters violently denouncing “Mr. T” as a “traitor.”  According to our source, not only is “Mr. T” an exception to the rule; he’s “pissed.”

FNP has often cited Gurli Gur, the famed Israeli media star, on events in the Jewish state and in the Levant generally. We will do so again. According to this gifted reporter, Sonny Barger and the Hell’s Angels have appeared on the scene as the Watchmen did during the days of Jared. Binyamin Netanyahu has treated them as the Light fallen from Heaven. The Hell’s Angels are called “wise,” “sages” and “fearless.”

According to Gurli Gur, one night, after an evening of heavy drinking and drug-taking with Binyamin Netanyahu, Sonny Barger drove his “hog” to the border which separates the Hell’s Angels from the Guardian Angels. He drove his “hog” half way into the “no-man’s land” and cried out to “Mr. T”: “Come fight me man to man!”

“Mr. T” was not in the vacinity, according to Gurli Gur. Curtis Sliwa, “Mr. T,” and some leaders from the Palestinian Authorities were formulating plans to distribute food, medicines and clothing to those victimized by the latest IDF assault. Usually these men would have been resting at any rate, due to the lateness of the hour.

According to our sources, one young, gung-ho member of the Guardian Angels, tired of hearing Barger’s boasting, went into the “no-man’s land” and offered to fight the feared leader of Hell’s Angels International. [There are chapters in Europe and even in the Jewish state.] His courage was great. As he faced Sonny Barger, he could not have seen in the moonless sky Weasel Burt leveling his “30-06″ at him. Burt, a long-time “executioner” for the Hell’s Angels, did his usual “good work.” One shot rang out, and the Guardian Angel fell to the dry, hard land. He had been in the Holy Land on two days. According to Gur, you could cut the tense air between the two camps with a butter knife.

The Hell’s Angels had hoped to get “Mr. T” or Curtis Sliwa. However, any dead Guardian Angel was worth partying about. It was certain that booze and drugs would be consumed freely. The Hell’s Angels could also expect that their friend, Binyamin Netanyahu, would send several bus-loads of young and willing women to party with them. Sonny had placed the order himself, stipulating to Netanyahu that no “cross-dressing” male prostitutes be included.

Old-time FNP staff, when apprised of this story by Gurli Gur, as well as our anonymous friend, could not help thinking of Chandra Levy. Could she possible be among those women, doing a little intelligence work, as well as partying?

The morning following the tragic death of the young Guardian Angel, “Mr. T” and Curtis Sliwa were informed by close associates of the event. Both were enraged. Curtis Sliwa, as a great leader, got control of his anger and urged that they sit down with their top strategists and “brain storm” a suitable response. “Mr. T” would have no restraint now. He drove to the front line, got out, and walked into the “no-man’s land.” With a booming voice he cried out: “I want Sonny Barger.”

"Mr. T" yells across "no-man's land" at Sonny.

According to usually reliable sources working near the front, Sonny Barger was a “wreck” from the previous night’s partying. He could not even get to his feet. He was carried to his “hog” by close associates, placed on it, and pushed to the front line. There, the line of Hell’s Angels broke a little so that he was visible, seated on his motorcycle, both of his hands gripping the handlebars. From unknown physical sources -indeed, possibly from Hell itself – he found the power to speak in a strong voice. He said to “Mr. T”: “Tomorrow at 4:00 PM, I will meet you here in “no-man’s land” and kill you. I will order my Angels to allow your “Redcoats” to remove your body and ship your carcass home.”

According to witnesses, “Mr. T” responded: “You deserve to die today. You deserve to die tomorrow , too,—and you will die. I no longer will have pity on you fools! The Peace of Sharon has been broken!”

FNP will cover this event with a couple of seasoned “war correspondents.” Only Mother nature or the World Community could stop the carnage. FNP has asked Condoleezza Rice to go to the Jewish state and attempt to mediate the issues which generate strife. Our prayer is that she can get the Angels to whirl peas.

Curtis tried to calm "Mr.T" down.

All rights reserved, 2009.

Media Mogul Graham "eyed" by law.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:  According to usually reliable sources close to the Wyoming State Office of the Attorney General, FNP can now provide the breaking news story: Donald Graham is a “person of interest” in the “accidental death” of the late Katherine Meyer Graham. The last words spoken by the late media mogul, according to two anonymous witnesses, seem, in retrospect, to be ominous. According to these sources, she was heard to whisper: “The kiss of…”  Because her voice trailed away, the full meaning of her words could not be established. Some had speculated that the next word seemed to begin with a “T” sound, but others said it had a “D” sound. Whatever happened to be the truth of the matter, the objective fact, according to a usually reliable source – “off the record” – is that the possibility of foul play had to be seriously considered. Mrs. Graham was giving a “death bed” testimony, as it happened. Therefore, her words must be weighed in the balance. A team of forensic experts has been engaged quietly to investigate this case. The fact that it is now being labelled “a case” speaks to the seriousness with which this matter is being approached.

FNP commits itself to investigate this matter further until the truth has been been fully discovered.

Mother of a troubled son?

Faux News Press (FNP)__Washington, D.C.:   Usually informed sources in Wyoming are confirming rumors amongst investigative reporters that the police will explore new evidence and possibly direct charges against Donald Graham for the murder of media tycoon, Katherine Meyer Graham. Police will neither confirm nor deny that an investigation is underway.

From sources who will speak only under the condition of anonymity, the outline of the shocking story surfaces.

According to these sources, persons well-connected to The Washington Post were privy to concerns which Mrs. Graham had expressed in regard to her strange son, Donald. For years, according to these sources, Donald Graham would lock himself in his living quarters and watch Richard Widmark movies. Few people were aware of Donald’s obsession, and Mrs. Graham tried to shield him from curious acquaintances. Nevertheless, it was known by some Graham-family observers that strange “cackling” sounds could be heard streaming from within Donald’s personal digs at the Graham mansion – both day and night. To at least one person who actually heard the sound, it had a “crazy” quality that chilled him. It reminded him of the character, Renfield, in Dracula (the Bela Lugosi version). Other highly-placed Graham observers claimed that its quality was more crisp than that of the Renfield character.

FNP, Washington’s newspaper of record, investigated these tips further than other news outfit would dare. When our assigned team of Edwina Truesdale and Jim “Drat” Johnson quietly dug deeper into these clues, they seemed to have struck “paydirt.” They sought the opinion of experts in American films of the 40’s and 50’s. Specifically, they focused on Richard Widmark films. They asked if the Widmark film oueve contained any movies that featured “cackling.” Unanimously, these experts cited as their first choice Kiss of Death. Therefore, it seemed to be a good bet that in this film there was a hidden, meaningful clue, which might have the power to explain the strange death of Katherine Meyer Graham.

FNP’s newshounds kept sniffing around. “What was it?” they kept urging. Were the Wyoming authorities already aware of it and proceeding apace?

People who knew the Grahams well have commented on the charming way that Donald would sneak up on his mother, grab her in a hug, and kiss her, as he cried “Kiss of Donnie!” The general view was that she was very lucky to have such a loving son.

None of the Graham acquaintances nor any of the leading figures at The Washington Post would comment on the persistent rumors of a family cursed with insanity over several generations.

What is FNP’s conclusion? All that seems reasonable to say at this point is that Wyoming authorities appear to be proceeding deliberately, gathering all evidence. FNP has cooperated fully with these authorities, although protecting our sources, as is accepted journalism.

Donnie liked Richard Widmark movies.

Is Donald in camo?

Faux News Press (FNP) __Washington, D.C.:  FNP has been informed by two usually reliable sources close to the Graham family that the rumors circulating about Washington, D.C. are true. What is this mind-boggling rumor? Donald E. Graham, Chairman of The Washington Post Company, is now a woman. According to anonymous but usually reliable sources, Katherine Meyer Graham had kept a stable of Haitian Mandingoes in plush digs near the company office on 15th Street, NW, Washington, D.C. According to this source, Donald fell in love with one of these Haitians. His name was Emil or Ariel. Unfortunately, he was also Katherine’s favorite lover.

There have been numerous allegations of instability in Donald Graham, but fear of the wrath of this powerful family induced a persistent soto voce character to such expressions.

According to one anonymous source, this Graham-Haitian triangle became increasingly acrimonious, as Donald’s jealousy towards his mother for monopolizing the time of this Haitian grew deeper. He suffered from not merely frustration but a deep sense of wanton wounding. His mother could have had any of the Mandingoes, seemed to be his mood, according to one Graham watcher. Donald seemed to be saying: Why did she have to spend all her free time with Emil? There was a suggestion, according to this source, that Donald grew to believe that his mother was doing it intentionally to spite him, to mock him, and to keep him deprived of the love he sought so urgently.

Kowledgeable observers of this unsavory situation have reported to FNP that they  began to fear that something terrible was going to happen. When the first reports of Katherine Graham’s “accident” were receeived in the Washington, D.C. area, there were many quick, shared glances amongst those privileged to be part of this great family’s friends, associates, servants, and contractors. These were they who had come to know something, more or less, of the existence of this awkward love triangle.

For all his oddness and instability, Donald Graham had made many strong and useful acquaintances. From his father, Philip L. Graham, he had inherited many close, well-connected C.I.A. officials. Such men were well-accustomed to “oddballs” and would have thought nothing particularly strange about Donald.

Too, Donald spent a period of time in the military in Vietnam. Many shrewd observers suspected that he worked for the C.I.A. clandestinely. Rumors of drug-dealing naturally arose, given the assumed C.I.A. connection.

When he returned to the U.S.A., Donald briefly joined the Metropolitan police. Anonymouse observers stated to FNP that he made private contacts amongst the most promising young policemen, sealing those relationships over the years. Most of these observers believed that Donald was able to influence the decision about which police officer went to which key department within the Metropolitan organization. These relationships would gain for Donald access to men who would be willing to do just about anything for the “right” payday, according to experienced newsmen on the police beat. In the news racket they are called “handymen.”

His position at The Washington Post Company, his relationship with the C.I.A., and his relationship with the Metropolitan Police Department provided Donald Graham levers for hushing or covering up matters ordinary mortals could not. Not even Katherine Graham had such connections.

The reporters and pols in Washington were taken by surprised by the unexpected death of Katherine Graham. FNP was no exception. Mourners would stop by to pay respects at the Graham estate. Some of these, strictly on the basis of anonymity, have reported to FNP pundits that Donald Graham was upstairs shut-up in his room. Some of these witnesses reported hearing him wailing at his loss, but others thought it sounded more like “cackling.”

Knowledgeable observers of the Washington newsbeat have sworn to FNP that Donald has moved into the plush digs where the Mandingoes had lived. According to these anonymous reporters, Donald sent all the Haitians home, excepting Emil. Unfortunately, the old triangle existed because Emil had a genuine, sensual love for Katherine Graham. Distraught by this lingering intrusion of his mother into his lovelife, he promised Emil that he, Donald, would become like “mother.”

In Washington news-beats it is common knowledge that Donald Graham underwent a “prostate” operation. Such operations occur each year by the score of thousands. Most of these operations are what they are said to be. Yet, in the case of Donald Graham, something different is said to have occurred. As anonymous but usually reliable sources state unequivocally that special surgeons were present. It is said further that they brought along their own nurses. Furthermore, according to knowledgeable medical personnel, there were pieces of equipment brought into the operation room never used for a simple prostate removal procedure. They did not know what their use might be. Also, according to these sources, hardly had the prostate operation reached the point of incision, when all the regular surgeons were replaced by these other doctors, who had distinct French accents. The regular doctors and nurses walked out of the operating room. This could not have proceeded this way without powerful individuals intervening to force this strange procedure.

Additionally, the operation on Donald Graham took far more time than a typical prostate removal would have taken.

FNP has not been able to conclusively determine what happened on the operating table. Our attempts to interview Mr. Graham have been rebuffed to date. We have asked Donald Graham to submit to a post-operative medical examination by a neutral medical team which he and FNP both agreed to use. In the absense of agreement rumors abound in Washington. One rumor making the rounds is that Mr. Graham has had a penial-scrotal prosthesis constructed, perhaps from molds of his actual penis and scrotum, which are said to be rather realistic. This would afford him a manly camouflage during regular working hours.

FNP is aware that the wealthy, powerful Graham family can make such an expensive enterprise happen. Rich people aren’t like worn-shoed newshounds. With enough wealth most material desires can be accomplished. Further, the great power of the Washington Post makes a cover-up plausible. With friends in high places at the C.I.A. and the Washington Metropolitan Police, the Graham family can become invisible. No evidence can be detected nor trace found to unravel the secrets of this most haughty of media families. Further, the elite like to hang out together, preferably behind high walls or fences, well-guarded by seasoned security whose price-tag makes them available only to the rich. Yes, FNP has often noted: The rich are special and, perhaps, little strange. They don’t want you to remember their names. They want to be invisible.

This breaking story has much about it that remains unknown. There is perhaps this last item. The quality of this last assertion does not meet the usual standard used by FNP. Nevertheless, since this source is an individual of undoubted closeness to the Graham family, FNP has decided to pass it on to our readers. According to s/he (we will not divulge the sex), Donald and Emil live together as often as possible in the plush digs originally provided by Katherine Graham. Emil is said to be very happy about Donald’s operation. Lastly, this source claimed that they loved to watch Richard Widmark movies.

Katherine Meyer Graham was "Boss" of Donnie & Emil. She had to go!

Donald Graham awaits word from Scotland.

Faux News Press (FNP)__Washington, D.C.:  FNP has uncovered some very interesting information in regard to the powerful Graham family. Long recognized as one of the dominant media voices in America, due to their controlling interest in The Washington Post Company, the Grahams may be more.

The late Katherine Meyer Graham is the focus of our news story. Mrs. Graham, as most informed people are aware, met an untimely demise in Wyoming, when she allegedly “stumbled.”

Parenthetically, some highly placed Wyoming authorities are suspicious about this “accidental” death, and this case may be re-opened as a homicide inquiry.

According to usually informed Graham watchers, prior to her unexpected “fall,” Katherine Meyer Graham had hired some of the finest genealogists to investigate her various family lines. Included amongst these authorities were top professionals from Burke’s Peerage. According to usually reliable sources, the investigation hit “paydirt.” An overlooked line through Mrs. Graham’s late husband, Philip, was “royal blue-blood.”

If the information obtained by these experts stands, the late Philip Graham was possessed of a lineage which gave him a strong claim to be the rightful king of Scotland.

Research by FNP has enabled us to provide our readers with a pertinent, historical capsule. Although the kingdom of Scotland does not exist as a separate, sovereign nation, being part of Great Britain, there have been separatist spirits stirring there for a long time. Great Britain rules Scotland, and it is a Constitutional Monarchy which is at least nominally ruled by Queen Elizabeth II of Hanoverian lineage. Rightly, elements within Scotland have long bridled under the brutal tyranny of the Hanover boot.

Should a separatist movement engender sufficient force to compel an autonomous state within a state, one that had at least a figurehead king for the sake of tradition and for the sake of providing patriots a point around which they might gather, then serious attention must be given to any heir of Philip Graham.

According to FNP’s sources, the one person whose name is most often mentioned is Donald Graham, the well-known Washington, D.C., media mogul. Sometimes referred to as the “Lord of Fifteenth Street,” Donald is comfortable in the realm of riches and power. As a frequent attendee at Bilderberger meetings, where royals, plutocrats, and their servant “eggheads” gather to schmooze, kvetch, and schlep (to the canape trays), he is quite aware of the culture of European “High Society.” He, indeed, fits in quite well. He usually brings his pet “hog” to brief him on the more difficult concepts bandied about the chosen spa for that year.

Parenthetically, these Bilderberger meetings are strictly for the “Invited Ones.” These meetings always seem to be well-guarded, and recently the security has gotten downright Blackwateresque.

One highly-placed Graham watcher had this to say: “Whether events unfold in such a way as to create the need for a king in Scotland cannot be known with certainty. Those who make a point of speculating upon such events say that the crown may go to Donald. How the Scot people “personalize” Donnie’s rule can only be guessed at, but at least one expert observer feels that the Scot people may well dub him, ‘Donald the Strange.’ ” FNP has heard from another usually reliable source who advised: “The position of Donald Graham is unusual. His operation and identity ‘makeover’ may preclude his ever being crowned ‘King.’ “

While no further comment was made, the implication of this informed source seemed to be that Donnie will instead be crowned “Queen of Scotland.” If this is so, then let us all shout:

“Long live the Queen!”

As George Gordon, Lord Byron, rightly stated: “The truth is stranger than fiction.”

Katherine Meyer Graham dreams of being "Queen Mother."